Shabbat-O-Gram

 

Yom Ha’atzmaut Edition

 

April 29, 2006 – Iyar 1, 5766

 

Happy 58th, Israel!

 

 

Rabbi Joshua Hammerman, Temple Beth El, Stamford, Connecticut

 

 

Send your friends and relatives the gift of Jewish awareness -- a Shabbat-O-Gram each week, by signing them up at www.tbe.org.  To be removed from this mailing list, sent e-mail request to office@tbe.org.  If you have signed up and are not receiving our e-mails, check your spam filter to make sure that TBE is not being “spammed out.”

 

 

TEMPLE BETH EL BLOOD DRIVE

350 Roxbury Rd. Stamford CT

SUNDAY APRIL 30TH  8:45AM- 12:45PM

 

“Give the ‘Gift of Life”.  Get involved in a short term mitzvah project that will save lives.

 

Call Cheryl Wolff today at 203-968-6361 to schedule a donation time.

 

IMG_0739

 

2006 Dinner Dance Honoring Past Presidents

Photos are now up at

www.tbe.org

 

 

Contents of the Shabbat O Gram:

(Click to scroll down)

 

Just the Facts (service schedule)

The Rabid Rabbi

Mitzvah/Tzedakkah Opportunities

Ask the Rabbi

Spiritual Journey on the Web   

Required Reading and Action Items (links to key articles on Israel and Jewish life)

 Announcements (goings on in and around TBE)

Joke for the Week

 

 

Quote for the Week

 

Last week at Dan’s Bar Mitzvah, I recited a poem written by my cousin Jeff Avick, a Stamford resident who died of AIDS several years ago.  It was read just before the mourners Kaddish and helped to reinforce some of the themes that Dan and I had developed throughout the service.  Several people asked me for that poem, so I am reprinting it here:

 

As people and as men

We inhabit our lives

For but a speck –

The eye of a needle’s space

Of time

 

Seeking, as we do –

Each in our own way –

Some greater speck,

Some greater space,

Some way to live beyond ourselves,

We live our lives.

 

Of all the acts seeking extension,

The giving of love is greatest:

Love does not crumble as marble,

Change as language,

Fall as empires;

It is absolute and breeds itself

And thus survives the giver.

 

This is the true road to immortality,

You have taken – and shared it.

 

Jeffrey Avick z’l

1976

 

 

 

 

 

JUST THE FACTS

Shabbat Rosh Hodesh Iyar

We welcome Cantor Littman back this Shabbat

Friday Evening 

Candle lighting: 7:29pm on Friday, 28 April 2006 - Havdalah is at 8:32 pm  on Saturday evening. For candle lighting times, other Jewish calendar information, and to download a Jewish calendar to your PDA, click on http://www.hebcal.com/.  To see the festivals of other faiths as well, go to http://www.interfaithcalendar.org/

 

Kabbalat Shabbat: 6:30 PM – in the sanctuary

 

Tot Shabbat featuring - 6:45, in the chapel

Tot Shabbat will be hosted this week by Karen and Howie Schwartz in honor of their children, Alexa and Jason.  Thank you to the Schwartz family! 

 

Shabbat Morning: 9:30 AM – Mazal tov to Billie Katz and Ross Neugeboren, who will become B’nai Mitzvah this Shabbat morning! 

 

Children’s services: 10:30

Torah Portion:  TazriaMetzora - Leviticus 12:1 - 15:33

1: 13:40-46
2: 13:47-54
3: 13:55-59
4: 14:1-5
5: 14:6-12
6: 14:13-20
7: 14:21-32
maf: for Rosh Hodesh - Numbers 28:9-15

Haftarah -  Isaiah 66:1 - 66:24

 

See a weekly commentary from the UJC Rabbinic Cabinet, at www.ujc.org/mekorchaim.  Read the Masorti commentary at http://www.masorti.org/mason/torah/index.asp.  University of Judaism,  JTS commentary is at: http://learn.jtsa.edu/topics/parashah/. USCJ Torah Sparks can be found at http://uscj.org/item20_467.html. UAHC Shabbat Table Talk discussions are at http://uahc.org/torah/exodus.shtml. Other divrei Torah via the Torahnet home page: http://uahcweb.org/torahnet/. Test your Parasha I.Q.: http://www.ou.org/jewishiq/parsha/default.htm. CLAL’s Torah commentary archive: http://click.topica.com/maaaiRtaaRvQhbV2AtLb/.  World Zionist Organization Education page, including Nehama Liebowitz archives of parsha commentaries: http://www.moreshet.net/web/index.asp?f=1 For a more Kabbalistic/Zionist/Orthodox perspective from Rav Kook, first Chief Rabbi of Israel, go to http://www.geocities.com/m_yericho/ravkook/index.html. For some probing questions and meditations on key verses of the portion, with a liberal kabbalistic bent, go to http://www.jewishealing.com/learning.html or, for Kabbalistic commentaries from the Zohar itself, go to http://www.kabbalah.com/k/index.php/p=zohar/weekly/intro. To see the weekly commentary from Hillel, geared to college students and others, go to  http://www.hillel.org/hillel/NewHille.nsf/FCB8259CA861AE57852567D30043BA26/DF7D129F15B3DF0885256AB80058E9C3?OpenDocument. For a Jewish Renewal and feminist approach go to http://rabbishefagold.hypermart.net/Torah1.html .  For a comprehensive Orthodox viewpoint from the Israeli rabbi, Yaakov Fogelman, go to the Torah Outreach Program at http://israelvisit.co.il/top/previous.shtml.  Guided meditations for each portion by Judith Abrams at http://www.maqom.com/kavannah.pdf

 For online Parsha quizzes from Pardes in Israel, go to  http://www.pardes.org.il/online_learning/parsha_quizzes/ Torah for Kids: http://www.torah4kids.net/  Weekly Lesson of Popular Israeli Rabbi Mordechai Elon: http://www.elon.org/archives/archives.htm - and his parsha sheets: http://www.mibereshit.org/special/download_eng_pdf.htm   From Bar Ilan University: http://www.biu.ac.il/JH/Parasha/eng/; http://www.torahproductions.com/weekly_article.jsp

 

 

THE ENTIRE HEBREW BIBLE (AS WELL AS OTHER JEWISH SOURCES) CAN BE FOUND WITH SIDE-BY-SIDE TRANSLATION AT

http://www.mechon-mamre.org/

Morning Minyan: Weekdays at 7:30, Sundays at 9:30 AM

TO ENSURE A “GUARANTEED MINYAN” FOR THE DAY OF YOUR YAHRZEIT – GO TO THE ROSNER MINYAN MAKER AT WWW.TBE.ORG AND ALSO CONTACT ME AT RABBI@TBE.ORG.

 

 

 

The Rabid Rabbi

 

 

A special thank you from my family to all who helped make Dan’s Bar Mitzvah last Shabbat such a special day, for us, for our family and for the community.

 

 

Yom HaShoah Meets Earth Day

 

 

The following Jewish Week article is an adapted version of my sermon given last weekend.  It can also be found online at

http://www.thejewishweek.com/top/editletcontent.php3?artid=4986

 

This year, Earth Day (April 22) and Holocaust Remembrance Day (April 24-25) fall just a couple of days apart, giving us an opportunity to explore some connections between the two.

In Jewish tradition, respect for the health of the environment and concern for the dignity of human beings go hand in hand. The Nazis were notorious for their pillage of both the land and its inhabitants, and Eastern Europe is paying the price for that to this day. Judaism is so concerned about the earth that we have our own annual Earth Day, Tu b’Shevat, not to mention a weekly one, Shabbat.

Several years ago I visited the site of Dachau, the concentration camp just outside Munich. I say that I visited the “site” of Dachau, because it wasn’t Dachau. Yes, the name was there, right next to the infamous inscription, “Arbeit Macht Frei.Yes, the barbed wire was there, and the barracks, remarkably well preserved, and the ovens. Yes, there were memorials to the dead, marking mass graves of nameless victims. But it wasn’t Dachau.

Dachau was hell and this wasn’t it. There were flowers at this place, surrounded by fresh-cut grass. I could hear birds. I even saw a butterfly, which confirmed for me that this was not Dachau, for the famous Holocaust poem tells us that there were no butterflies in the death camps.

If this was not hell, then what was it, and why did it suddenly look so lovely, so natural? Was this a cruel trick by God, a vain attempt to reclaim that which God had ceded to the beast in humanity in 1933? Or was this God’s apology, this smattering of forget-me-nots and daisies embedded in cemetery sod, a plea for forgiveness, too little and too late?

Or maybe God was hoping, beyond hope, to give Jews one last chance to regain the illusion of an attainable paradise on earth, a thin veneer of April hope covering the reality of August hell.

“Here,” God is telling us, “I can’t give you redemption. All I can give you is this spring-like illusion. Let it ease the pain of your wanderings. Take it.”

On Yom HaShoah we say to God that this plan, however comforting and kind, can’t possibly work. We reject the illusion. We have seen hell first-hand; it won’t be forgotten. Time will not heal this wound. If renewal is possible following the Holocaust, a God who was absent during it cannot bring it about. God, who could not save the Jews, will also not redeem the earth. If renewal and hope are at all possible, only human beings can facilitate it.

Anyone can grow a few forget-me-nots.

There are two seemingly contradictory verses in Psalms: Psalm 24 tells us, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,” while we read in Psalm 115, “The heavens are the Lord’s heavens, but the earth has been given to humankind.This discrepancy can be resolved by drawing from it this lesson: Once upon a time, the earth was the Lord’s, but since the Holocaust, it is ours and ours alone.

Before the Shoah, when the earth still belonged to God, we, who had once experienced Paradise first-hand, could only imagine Eden’s opposite. As David Grossman wrote in his masterful novel, “See Under: Love,” “We always pictured hell with boiling lava and pitch bubbling in barrels,” until the Nazis came along, “showing us how paltry our pictures were.”

Now, nothing is left to the imagination. The earth is ours and we are utterly responsible for all that happens to it; all of it, the people, and the flowers, too. Those flowers at Dachau have become a symbol of God’s ultimate helplessness and our ultimate responsibility. We still pray, though no longer for divine intervention, but in gratitude for the basic tools provided us: warm summer days, rain in its season, the miraculous ecosystem. We look to heaven for resolve but little else, for “the earth has been given to humankind.”

And the blood of our brother Abel is screaming from that very earth. We must care for the earth because our ancestors and martyrs are buried within it. The earth is not only their legacy to us; it is them — their bones, their blood, their illusions, their dreams, and their follies. Their cries seep through the ozone layer. Their tears fall as acid rain. Defoliated rainforests uncover their nakedness. We cannot go anywhere without walking on their bones. We must tend to their graves.

The earth is not only ours, it is us. Chief Seattle, a Native American leader of the last century, wrote, “This we know, the earth does not belong to us; we belong to the earth.” And in time our bones will rest there too, serving as a firm platform upon which our grandchildren will walk.

In caring for our planet, we sanctify the names of those who died and affirm life for those not yet born. We do it not out of the illusory hope that the world can be as it was, for we shall never return to Eden. We do it because we have to, because it is our responsibility. No one else will do it for us. And if we succeed, if the world becomes a better place for our grandchildren, then we’ll have taken a small step toward resuscitating a measure of hope. This is the best we can hope to accomplish in the aged of scorched flesh and earth.

So this year, I’ll mark Earth Day and Yom HaShoah with sadness and grim determination. Because as a Jew, a human being and a guardian of the planet, I have no other choice.

 

 

The New Chancellor of JTS – Arnold Eisen

 

Since I’ve last O-grammed, the Jewish Theological Seminary announced a surprise choice as its new chancellor, Arnold Eisen, a professor at Stamford.  He professes liberal views on such hot button issues as gays in the rabbinate, but more significantly he is not a rabbi – and he will now be the chancellor of a school that trains rabbis and titular head of a movement with hundreds of them.  Here’s what the Jewish Week said:

 

Unlike the other candidates for chancellor -- who in addition to Rabbi [Gordon] Tucker have included JTS Provost Jack Wertheimer; Rabbi David Wolpe, a Los Angeles pulpit rabbi; and Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, who is dean of the rabbinical school at Los Angeles’ University of Judaism -- Eisen has no publicly entrenched ideological views on the issues currently occupying the Conservative movement.
Arnie is a personality who can transcend many of the intra-Conservative boundaries and transcend Conservative and non-Conservative boundaries,” said Steven M. Cohen, a fellow academic who co-authored the book with Eisen, “The Jew Within: Self, Family and Continuity in America."

. . .
Eisen said he had done some fundraising for the Stanford Hillel, and that professionals had told him it “involves getting people excited about a vision, and matching their passions and your excitement.  I am looking forward to this responsibility.”  One goal will be to “re-energize the synagogues,” which Eisen noted “have nowhere to go but up,” in part because “we are wasting our laity and there is no [sense of] community.” . . . Another is “to inspire Jewish leadership.”

 

The Conservative movement has seen a steep drop in its numbers over the past decade, although there are many synagogues, including ours, that have found new ways to reenergize themselves.  Here’s hoping this out-of-the-box can help reverse the movement wide decline.

 

 

From the Masorti Movement:  Kotel in Court - Editor's Note

 

The Masorti Movement in Israel filed suit in the Supreme Court this week against the Government of Israel, citing discrimination and violation of freedom of worship at the Western Wall.  You may remember that this story began following a series of violent attacks by ultra-Orthodox Jews on Masorti worshippers several years ago.  An agreement was then reached between the Masorti Movement and the Israeli government, which gave permission to Masorti Jews to hold religious services at the "Robinson's Arch".  The area is at the southern end of the Western Wall, separate from the traditional site of Jewish prayer at the Wall and the large plaza behind it.

 

For several years after the agreement, Masorti Jews were able to worship at the "Kotel Masorti" during most hours of the day without having to pay.  However, in the last year and half they have they been forced to pay the 30 NIS per adult tourist entrance fee to the Davidson Center and Archeological Garden, just for the privilege of praying.  Exceptions were made for services that began before 8:00AM on non-holiday weekdays, however, the cost and time restrictions prevented many groups from using the site.

 

The Masorti Movement intends to show that the present restrictions and cost constitute a serious infringement on our religious freedom.  This is especially true since there is nowhere else to go -- the government's current policy prohibits Masorti Jews from having egalitarian services even at the back of the Western Wall Plaza.

 

Rabbi Paul Arberman
Editor, e-masorti

 

 

 

         

COMING THIS FALL!!

For more information, go to www.starsynagogue.org

If you are interested in participating in our steering committee or would like an info packet, contact me at rabbi@tbe.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mitzvah/Tzedakkah Opportunties

 

Beth El Cares
Cathy Satz (968-9191; csscounsel@yahoo.com)
Cheryl Wolff (968-6361; cwolff@optonline.net)
BETH EL CARES co-chairs
 
 
Blood Drive – this weekend!!!!
Give the Gift of Life! Get involved in a short term mitzvah project that will save lives.  
Who benefits from these blood donations? 
People who are born prematurely, people with auto-immune and other blood disorders, people involved in accidents… 
Many people, including temple members, have received blood transfusions in the past and some people need regular blood transfusions.  
 
On Sunday, April 30th between 8:30 am and 1:30 pm we need 125 healthy adults who are at least 17 years old, 
weigh at least 110 pounds and have not given blood since the beginning of March.  
The Red Cross will provide the “beds”; we need to put “arms in the beds”.  
Contact Cheryl Wolff to schedule your donation time or to volunteer to help.  

 

Lock of Love

Todah Rabah to Rebecca Satz, the latest Temple Beth El Locks of Love Donor! 

Rebecca just couldn’t wait until Sunday May 7 when Beth El Cares will be hosting another group donation

for children and teens to cut their hair for “Locks of Love”.  If your hair is 10” or longer (in a ponytail),

join us on Sunday May 7.

Guy Sasson & Company will be coming to Temple Beth El to start haircuts at 12:00 noon (right after Religious School).

Advance sign-up is required.  Mother and daughter teams will be accepted-Cathy will volunteer to “adopt a daughter” for her team!

 

Contact Cathy Satz to schedule your appointment.

 

Cathy Satz     968-9191  (csscounsel@yahoo.com)

Cheryl Wolff 968-6361  (cwolff@optonline.net)

 

 

Sunday, June 4, 2006

The Bennett Cancer Center Walk and Run

 

The Walk/Run will be on June 4, 2006 in the morning at ShippanEach year TBE members walk together to raise money for cancer patients and their families.  In 2005, we had 51 walkers and our team raised over $5,200!!  This year our goal is to raise $6,000. 

 

We welcome all new and past walkers to come together to form the Sisterhood’s TBE Walk Team.  We always have a great time for a good cause.  You can walk at your own pace and you will have other TBE members to walk with!  The course is either 3 or 5 miles (your choice).

 

See the special TBE Walk and Run webpage at http://shf.convio.net/site/TR/819699896?pg=team&fr_id=1030&team_id=1110.  You can pre-register there as well as read a message from Beth Silver – she can also be reached at 967-8852, beth@silverconsulting.net.

 

Looking forward to having YOU on the team!    

 

In Need of a New Kidney

 

This plea comes via Marcia and Michael Zlotnick, who know this family:

 

My 14 year old daughter Sophia has end stage renal disease (kidney disease). She was first diagnosed when she was six years old. Slowly, over the last eight years, this disease has destroyed her kidneys. Recently, her kidneys failed. She is now on dialysis every day and in need of a kidney transplant.

 

Unfortunately, neither my wife and I, nor any of our close relatives, extended family or friends are a “match”. The first hurdle to being a donor match is blood type.  Possible donors must be in good health and have either blood type “O” or a subset of “A” referred to as A2. Whether or not a person’s blood type is classified as “negative” or “positive” is not relevant. Adults are able to donate a kidney to children and sex is not an issue. Males can donate to females and visa versa. I know it is a lot to ask, and really more than should be expected, but she is my daughter and she needs help. If anybody is interested in possibly donating a kidney (the first step being a simple blood test) or if you simply want to learn more about the process, the contact to call at Yale is:

 

Ms. Joyce Albert

Transplant Coordinator

Yale New Haven Hospital

Phone: 203-688-8373

albertjj@ynhh.org

(emails should indicate subject “Corsaro”)

All communication with the Transplant Coordinator is confidential. Yale will not contact us in any way, unless specifically instructed to do so by the donor candidate.  There is no cost for a donor or donor candidate. If you or anyone else would like more information on the topic of organ donation / transplantation, please note the following internet web links:

The www.unos.org web site is very informative.  The PDF booklet “What Every Patient Needs to Know”, found in the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) web site is particularly good. It takes a long time to download, but it has a good deal of information for both the patient and potential donor. It can be found as follows:

 

www.unos.org

Resources

Publications

Patient Brochures

PDF “What Every Patient Needs to Know”

Other relevant web links include:

www.kidney.org

www.organdonor.gov.

www.unos.org/resources/FactSheets.asp

 

Sincerely

Francis and Irene Corsaro

 

 

 

Spiritual Journey on the Web

 

Yom Ha’atzmaut

 

Here are some sites that will help us all to usher in Israel’s 58th year this coming Wednesday:

http://www.jafi.org.il/education/festivls/zkatz/atz/ -- from the Jewish Agency

http://www.jafi.org.il/education/festivls/zkatz/ZK/index.html - On Yom Ha-Zikaron (Memorial Day - Tuesday)

http://learn.jtsa.edu/yomhaatzmaut/ -- includes Israel’s Declaration of Independence and other links

http://www.jrf.org/israel/independence-day-main.html -- a Reconstructionist slant

 

The highlight for me is the annual Bible Quiz.  Jewish youth from around the world gather for the finals, featuring questions about some of the most obscure and difficult passages of the Bible.  It is the ultimate test of biblical knowledge.  Each year I tape it from Israeli television and last year my kids and I managed to get a couple of right answers!  We were so proud. 

 

Did I mention Israeli TV?  If you haven’t discovered the Israeli Network, head on over to http://www.theisraelinetwork.com/.  All of the programming is in Hebrew, but for those who are Hebraically-impaired, (and this is a great way to improve your Hebrew) there often are subtitles and lots and lots of music and sports.  Today, Maccabee Tel Aviv, Israel’s best basketball team, will be competing in the European Final Four in Prague.  That game is also being broadcast live on the NBA network this afternoon!  I might even pre-empt the Red Sox to watch that.  The Israeli Network is seen on satellite through the Dish Network.  On its own it costs about $20 a month and it’s worth it – if you’re like me and want to feel like you’re in Israel, just a little bit every day.

 

From Eretz Magazine, the National Geographic of Israel:

 

 

 

 

 

ASK THE RABBI

 

 

Why Does Judaism Not Accept Cremation?

 

This week I was asked a question that I receive frequently.  A congregant has a close relative who is dying and the relative has asked to be cremated.  What can be done in such a situation?

 

We seem to have two colliding Jewish values here: our tradition frowns on cremation but calls upon us to honor our parents.  What to do?

 

First it is important to know that honoring parents has limits.  When a parent asks a child to go against Jewish law, the child is not obligated to fulfill that wish.  Still, when cremation is a dying wish it is much harder to disregard.  So the first response I would have is that it is much better to discuss cremation long before we reach the crisis point of impending death. 

 

The basic Jewish argument against cremation is that the body is not only sacred, it is on loan from God.  It doesn’t just house the soul; it is the soul’s partner, in a sense.  In other traditions, including Christianity and Hinduism, the body is seen as the soul’s temporary “prison,” subject to temptation and essentially evil.  That is not the case in Judaism, which views the body as an integral part of who we are.  We do not have the right to desecrate the body, much less to destroy it.  We shouldn’t pollute it with drugs, abuse it with tattoos or destroy it through suicide or cremation.

 

The prime value we place on the body stands in stark contrast to those who do not, in particular the Nazis.  It is hard for em to fathom how any Jew who can defend cremation as a Jewish practice just one generation after millions of our people were burned in the ovens of Auschwitz.  We bury our dead with the utmost dignity.  We return to the earth from whence we came, and our bodies nurture that ground that once nurtured us.  So often, I hear from non-Jews just how dignified they perceive our burial traditions to be.

 

The Rabbinical Assembly has clear guidelines about rabbis not participating in cremation services.  Still, congregants should know that out of compassion to the mourners, I will always work with the family to find sensitive ways to memorialize a loved one with dignity – and with my participation – even when cremation is going to take place.

 

 

 

 

Required Reading and Action Items

 

 

 

Let’s begin with GOOD NEWS from Israel 21c and other sources

 

Technology | Note-taking made easy, the Israeli way  
College lecture halls will never be the same, thanks to the technology of Israeli startup Tegrity which enables students to take notes using a sensor enhanced digital pen while videotaping lectures. After class, students can call up notes recorded by the pen's sensors while instantaneously reviewing the lecture on archived university websites using technologically-integrated mediums. The Tegrity Campus system, already used in several leading American universities, is boosting grades - and even enrollment.  More...

 

Technology | Israeli digital software on crest of media revolution  
Olive Software bridges the gap between the paper past and digital future - and hundreds of newspapers across the US are utilizing the Israeli company's platforms to create digital editions of their journals and to update and preserve their rich archival heritage. Say goodbye to looking for information in dark, musty rooms with crumbling old papers, and say hello to the comforts of your own desktopMore...

 

Seeing stars in Jerusalem - Allison Kaplan Sommer - Celebrities like Will Smith send the message that visiting Israel is safe - and cool.

 

From Nigel Savage of the Jewish environmental group Hazon:

 

In honor of the end of Pesach, the clear arrival of spring, the ongoing counting of the omer, and the fact that today is Earth Day – here are four newspaper clippings from the last week that we wanted to share with you. The first two are amazing pieces on Tuv Ha’Aretz, Hazon’s Community-Supported Agriculture Program, which is underway now in five different communities around the country. They give you a great sense of how readdressing the issue of what is kosher – of what is fit for us to eat – can both renew Jewish life and make a real and measurable difference to the world around us. The third piece gives some sense of Earth Day in a religious context. And the fourth piece is a wonderful op-ed co-written by Rabbi Leon Morris and Scott Korb, a Catholic friend of Leon’s, about the role of religion in the world today.

 

 

 

now for the rest

 

From Ari Shavit, "And so, the End is Near," Haaretz, http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/705679.html, (April 14, 2006) – thanks to Joe Heyison for recommending this thoughtful piece.

 

E-Masorti - In this month's edition

 

Anti-Semitism watch - From Jonathan Ostroff - I heard about this video game, which is allows the player to go around killing Latinos, blacks, and at the next level, Jews... http://www.resistance.com/ethniccleansing/catalog.htm

 

"Judgment Day": Iran's Secret Plan If Attacked by U.S. - Ali Nouri Zadeh (Asharq Al-Awsat-UK)
    Eight fundamentalist Islamist organizations have received large sums of money in the last month from the Iranian intelligence services as part of a project to strike Israel, the U.S., and Europe if Iran is attacked, a senior source in the Iranian armed forces revealed.
    As soon as Iranian nuclear installations are hit, Hizballah is to launch hundreds of rockets against military and economic targets in Israel.
    According to the source, if the U.S. military attacks continue, more than 50 Shihab-3 missiles will be targeted against Israel, and the Iranian Revolutionary Guards' al-Quds Brigades will give the go-ahead for more than 50 terrorist cells in Canada, the U.S., and Europe to attack civil and industrial targets in these countries.

 

U.S.: Hamas, Iran Rekindling Hatred of Jews
Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick used a U.S. Holocaust remembrance Thursday to warn of new efforts by Iran and the militant Palestinian group Hamas to incite hatred of Jews. At a national commemoration at the U.S. Capitol, Zoellick said, "In its response to the recent terrorist Passover bombing in Israel, Hamas continued to justify terrorism and feed hatred. Instead of facing up to the challenges of creating a democratic Palestinian state, Hamas has retreated to blaming the Palestinians' problems on the Jews. Equally troubling, today the modern Jewish democracy that emerged from the Holocaust faces a new threat from an Iranian leader who denies the very existence of that Holocaust...who threatens to wipe Israel and its people off the map...and who seeks nuclear weapons....In Iran and with Hamas, we are seeing scenes from the rise of political Islam. Theirs is a violent strain of radicalism that seeks to pervert a religion into an ideology of hatred and racism." (AFP/Yahoo)
    See also Remarks of Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick (State Department)

 

Coalition Calls for Sudan Action
A coalition of rabbis, activists, and political leaders in New York called on the international community to help end genocide in Sudan. "The Security Council must act, either to enforce the peace or to replace the inadequate African Union mission with an international protection force," said Harold Tanner, chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations. The Save Darfur rally in Washington will take place on Sunday, April 30. (JTA)

 

Israel Supreme Court: No Humanitarian Crisis in Gaza - Dan Izenberg
Israel's High Court of Justice on Thursday accepted the state's argument that there was currently no humanitarian crisis in the Gaza Strip and that the state was making maximum efforts to keep the Karni crossing open and enable cargo trucks to cross between Gaza and Israel. As a result, the petitioners, including the Gaza-based Al-Mezan Center for Human Rights, took the advice of Supreme Court President Aharon Barak and withdrew their petition. The state's representative, attorney Aner Hellman, argued that the government did its best to keep Karni open, but that Palestinian terrorists targeted the facility for attacks and the Palestinian Authority did nothing to stop them. (Jerusalem Post)
    See also Al-Mezan Center for Human Rights: Agenda and Funding
Al-Mezan follows a radical anti-Israel agenda including promoting claims of "Israeli war crimes," inflammatory pictures, and incitement justifying terrorism. The group is funded by the Ford Foundation ($100,000), Swiss Agency for Development and Cooperation (SDC), International Commission of Jurists (ICJ), UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, Netherlands Representative Office, International Human Rights Funders Group/co Mertz Gilmore Foundation, and Kerkinactie/Global Ministries. (NGO Monitor)

 

  Former Military Chief: Palestinians Still Striving to Destroy Israel - Ori Nir
Moshe Yaalon, the recently retired chief of staff of the Israeli military, is credited in many circles as the military leader most responsible for Israel's success in curbing Palestinian terrorism in the past few years. As chief of staff, Yaalon coined the phrase that Israel must "brand into the Palestinians' consciousness" that violence would not yield them any political gains. He argues that the Palestinian leadership, whether Hamas or Fatah, still strives to destroy Israel.
    Only when Palestinians give up the dream of reclaiming their pre-1948 communities inside Israel and recognize Israel's right to exist as a Jewish state will peace be possible. It will take at least a generation - probably more than one - for Palestinian society to ripen for peace negotiations. Until then, Israel must show strength, fight terrorism with all its might, and not reward terrorists or expose the country's volatile eastern border to attacks by withdrawing. Yaalon believes effective Israeli rule in the West Bank is strategically necessary as long as Palestinian society is not ready to live in peace with the Jewish state.
    Yaalon, a kibbutznik from a Labor movement background, said his analysis is based on realism - not ideology - stemming from a deep sense of disillusionment with the Palestinians. When the Oslo Accord was signed in 1993, Yaalon supported the peace process. "Personally, politically, I was ready for a territorial compromise." But hopes for a viable deal with a reliable partner started fading when he became chief of Israel's military intelligence in 1995. "I looked at the Palestinian Authority under Arafat, which by then had been on the ground for a year, and asked what it has done to fight terrorism, to prepare Palestinians for peace." He discovered that Arafat was not behaving like a man of peace, but rather like a "jihadist" preparing Palestinians for war.
    After he became the commander of Israel's Central Command, responsible for the West Bank, he became so convinced of Arafat's belligerent intentions that in the summer of 1999 he wrote a memo warning that around September 2000, Arafat would launch a terrorism war against Israel. (Forward)

 

Palestinian Duplicity: The Sequel - Walter Reich
Hamas' ideology is clear. What it considers to be occupied territory isn't just the West Bank (the Israelis have left Gaza) but all of internationally recognized Israel. Ever since it was founded in 1987, Hamas has unwaveringly articulated its goal to destroy Israel. That was also the sacred, unchangeable, and publicly stated goal of Arafat and the PLO until the late 1980s, when Western diplomats persuaded him to change his rhetoric and say the things that would make it possible for the West to accept him. Already Americans and Europeans are trying to coach Hamas' leaders, as yet untutored in the fine art of diplomatic maneuverings and lingo, to utter those magic words that will give the West the fig leaf that will allow it to ignore Hamas' end game - the destruction of Israel.
    But getting Hamas to genuinely change its goals is far less feasible. Hamas is even more dedicated to Israel's destruction than was Arafat. He had only nationalism fueling his passion, whereas Hamas has nationalism but also, at least as it hears it, the very word of God. The writer, a former director of the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, is Yitzhak Rabin memorial professor of international affairs, ethics and human behavior at George Washington University and a senior scholar at the Woodrow Wilson Center. (Wall Street Journal, 28Apr06)

 

And Now for Some Facts - Benny Morris
John J. Mearsheimer and Stephen M. Walt's "The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy" is a travesty of the history that I have studied and written for the past two decades. They imply that down to 1948, the Zionist leadership rejected the partition of Palestine. This is simply false. After 1937, the Zionist mainstream understood that the Jewish people needed an immediate safe haven from European savagery, and that the movement would have to take what history was offering and could gain no more.
    The Palestinian story was different. The Palestinian national movement, from its inception up to 2000, rejected a two-state solution. There was no great debate. The Palestinian leadership rejected the 1937 and 1947 partition plans (and the Begin-Sadat "autonomy plan" of 1978, which would have led to a two-state solution), and insisted that the Jews had no right to even an inch of Palestine. And the Palestinian government of today, led by the popularly elected Hamas, continues to espouse this uncompromising, anti-partitionist one-state position. All of this is completely ignored in Mearsheimer and Walt's "history."
    From Mearsheimer and Walt, you would never suspect that the creation of the Palestinian refugee problem in 1948 occurred against the backdrop, and as the result, of a war that for the Jews was a matter of survival, and which those same Palestinians and their Arab brothers had launched. To omit this historical background is stark dishonesty. (New Republic)

 

Handbook of Hamas Palestinian Legislative Council Members (Washington Institute for Near East Policy)

 

REFLECTING ON ISRAEL’S 58TH

 

DIASPORA-ISRAEL RELATIONS

 

Editorial from the Forward:

Deeper Than We Know”
April 28, 2006

 

Mainstream America was exposed to a telling bit of Israel-Diaspora psychodrama the other night when our favorite American Jewish Everyman, television jokester Jon Stewart, hosted former Israeli spymaster Efraim Halevy for a chat about Halevy's new memoir.

 

Stewart, who makes his Jewishness and his liberalism regular parts of his ongoing shtick, showed an almost puppylike enthusiasm in welcoming a real, live Israeli warrior onto the set. Usually a master of facial deadpan, he couldn't stop grinning as he peppered the former Mossad chief with softball questions and snappy one-liners — most of which fell flat in the face of Halevy's clipped, deadly earnest responses. Stewart, a relentless critic of the Iraq War, was left slack-jawed and speechless when the Israeli hero before him said that America largely "got it right" in Iraq. Halevy, repeatedly invited to describe the inner life of a spy or explain his worldview, replied mostly in monosyllables.

 

There was never a hint, as so often surfaces when a television interview stalls, that either one wished he were somewhere else. Neither one ever stopped grinning. And yet, neither had a clue what to make of the other.

 

That, essentially, is the state of relations between Israel and the American Diaspora as the Jewish state prepares to celebrate the 58th anniversary of its independence next Wednesday, May 3. Our two nations, America and Israel, are home to the two largest Jewish communities in the world — arguably the most vibrant and powerful Jewish communities the world has ever known. Never before in history, it might well be said, has the Jewish future rested in such capable, resourceful hands as these two Jewries possess.

 

They are different beings, these two communities. One is a sovereign state of enormous vitality and strength. The other is a confident, influential minority within the world's greatest superpower. Over the decades, under the influence of these two differing environments, Judaism has come to mean very different things in the two places. Here it is a voluntary network of associations, beliefs, practices and loyalties. There it is, above all, an existential condition, a fact of everyday life and a challenge to survive.

 

For all that, the partnership between them is almost limitless in its potential. Never have cross-border understanding and cultural exchange been easier than in this age of instant communications.

 

In truth, we do not communicate much. Sometimes we talk, mostly past one another. Sometimes we use each other — American Jews as Israel's best ally, Israel as American Jewry's emotional symbol. Most of the time, we live in our separate solitudes, convinced that our own Jewish path is the ancient one, certain that other Jews must see things as we do, and bewildered on those rare occasions when we encounter our cousins and their incomprehensible ways.

It would be easy to sound a note of alarm. But the underlying ties are stronger and more enduring than the surface would suggest. If few American Jews consider Israel central to their Jewish identities, the vast majority feel a kinship. As we've learned from the experience of Birthright Israel, it doesn't take much — a quick, 10-day tour of the Holy Land will do, it seems — to awaken something unexpectedly powerful inside most Jews. Our bonds run deeper than we know. The challenge for the next six decades is to nourish them, and let them nourish us.

 

 

OLMERT’S FRACTURED ISRAEL

David Horovitz

Jerusalem Post, April 6, 2006

 

   Dore Gold and Uri Savir, two experienced diplomats from two very different parts of the political spectrum [recently] offered two conflicting analyses of the election results.

 

   For Savir, the 2006 elections most strikingly reflected an unprecedented readiness by much of the [Israelis] for even greater concessions to the Palestinians than those anticipated in the Oslo Accords. Citizens gave "a vast majority" to those parties "ready to relinquish, by agreement or unilaterally, most of the West Bank."

 

   For Gold, this was absolutely not the case. Socioeconomic and other domestic issues, he insisted, "completely trumped the past political preoccupation with peacemaking and national security." This assertion, Gold went on, was confirmed by the robust performance of those parties that had highlighted a social agenda—“Labor, Shas, the Gil Pensioners Party and even Avigdor Lieberman” of Israel Beiteinu.

 

   The official election results, published on Wednesday, indicate that there is value in both interpretations, but that the full story lies somewhere in between. What those results underline, more than anything else, is how divided a nation we have become, and thus the gravity of the task facing our incoming prime minister.

 

   We are increasingly split, geographically, along lines of religious observance: The capital of Orthodox Israel, Jerusalem, gave 18.6 percent of its votes to United Torah Judaism, 15.1% to Shas and 12.4% to the National Union-National Religious Party alliance as its top three parties. In the capital of secular Israel, Tel Aviv, those same three parties mustered just 12% of the vote between them.

 

   Tel Aviv's top three, sharing well over half that city's allegiance, were Kadima (27.9%), Labor (19.7%) and the Pensioners (9.1%)—parties which between them managed barely a quarter of the votes cast in Jerusalem. Tellingly, the Likud failed to crack the top three in Israel's two largest cities, or in Haifa and Beersheba either.

 

   As scenes of Holocaust survivors lining up for pre-Pessah handouts have demonstrated only too well in recent days, we are also horribly divided economically. Kadima fared especially well in Israel's middle-class heartland, rendering it the party of what The Jerusalem Post's Dan Izenberg has branded the "satisfied" Israelis. Toney areas like Herzliya and Ramat Hasharon gave well over a third of their votes to Ehud Olmert's party. Not so the misnomered "development towns" in what is absurdly known, in our tiny country, as the "periphery." Kadima trailed behind Israel Beiteinu, Shas and Labor, for example, in Dimona, in Yeroham and in Sderot.

 

   The Gil Pensioners Party, the new would-be champions of the mistreated, fared abysmally in those areas as well, emphasizing how much of its support stemmed from its clever "cool" appeal in Tel Aviv (9.1%), and how little came from areas at the bottom of the nationwide economic scale. Beersheba gave Gil 4.2% of its votes; Dimona, 2%; Yeroham 1.8%, and Sderot, 1.1%.

 

   In areas like these, the much-hyped social agenda of Labor's Amir Peretz paid dividends: His home town, Sderot, gave Labor 25.3%; Dimona voted 17.9% Labor and Beersheba gave it 16.8%.

 

   But along with Labor, the parties of choice for disadvantaged Israelis—that swathe of the electorate that helped Menachem Begin's Likud to power in 1977 and kept it there for much of the time since—are now plainly Shas and Israel Beiteinu, each polling up to a fifth of the vote, and sometimes more, in many development towns and poor neighborhoods.

 

   Much as Binyamin Netanyahu asserted that he had saved the nation from economic collapse as finance minister, the fact is that he hurt many traditional Likud voters in their pockets, and they did not forgive him. The Likud scored around 10% of the vote in many neighborhoods of former staunch party territory. There's a lesson here for Peretz, if he's listening, and a warning from the electorate for Labor, the Likud and Kadima: Exacerbate Israel's economic inequalities at your peril…

 

   The familiar Israeli divide over how to handle the Palestinians was overshadowed by economic concerns in poorer areas, but was still a major factor in many others—especially, inevitably, those most directly affected. The more ideological the settlement, the greater the preponderance of support for the NU-NRP alliance. That this partnership, nonetheless, failed to achieve more than nine seats in all confirms the gulf between the dominant passion of a motivated minority and the relative indifference of the rest of the nation. The NU-NRP took 76.9% of the vote in Shilo, for instance, and 73% in Eilon Moreh, settlements beyond the route of the security barrier and outside the parameters of the Olmert "convergence" plan. Even Efrat, "safely" within Olmert's Israel vision, but where many residents are immensely wary of "convergence" both in principle and in its direct impact on the Etzion Bloc, voted 64.2% for the NU-NRP. Tel Aviv gave that grouping just 3.3%, however, and Haifa 4.2%.

 

   Evidently, the residents of the largest of all settlements, Ma'aleh Adumim, are relatively more sanguine, voting 19.6% for the NU-NRP, 19.2% for the Likud, and 15.5% each for Kadima and Israel Beiteinu. Ariel, the second most numerous settlement, with a sizable Russian immigrant population, gave 34.6% to Lieberman, and another 24.1% to the Likud.

 

   The fact that the center-left bloc of Kadima, Labor, Pensioners and Meretz wound up, after this week's final adjustments of the national total, with precisely 60 of the 120 Knesset seats, rather compromises Savir's talk of a "vast majority" backing further withdrawal, even when the 10 seats won by Arab parties are added to the equation. But that absent wider resonance, across the country, of the core Likud and NU-NRP platform, suggests that there is nonetheless a vast majority of sorts—a vast majority for whom maintenance of the entire settlement enterprise is not an overwhelming priority…

 

   Amir Peretz was apparently just about the only man in the country who failed to appreciate that Labor had lost the election, and flirted pathetically, albeit briefly, with the notion of assembling a coalition, excluding Olmert, in breach of all the principles he had repeatedly stressed on the campaign trail. This is the man [now the new Defense Minister—ed.] on whom the presumptive prime minister must rely as his foremost coalition ally…

 

   Prime minister after prime minister here in recent years has seen his term in office cut short by disintegrating coalitions, and several of them started off on more solid ground than the voters gave Olmert

 

 

 

ISRAEL: MYTHS AND FACTS

 

MYTH #216

"Hamas is a threat only to Israel."

FACT

While attention is correctly focused on the threat Hamas poses to Israel because of its commitment to the destruction of the Jewish State, and its active involvement in terrorism to accomplish that goal, the radical Islamic organization also is viewed as a grave danger to the stability of Jordan.

The Jordanians have no illusions about Hamas and, in late April 2006, arrested several members of the organization it suspected of planning a terrorist attack against senior members of the government on orders from Hamas leaders in Damascus (Jerusalem Post, April 25, 2006). This followed an earlier threat uncovered when Jordanian officials learned that Hamas had smuggled weapons, including bombs and rockets, into the kingdom. That discovery led Jordan to cancel a planned visit by Palestinian Foreign Minister Mahmoud Zahar of Hamas (AP, April 18, 2006).

Tensions between Hamas and Jordan are nothing new. In 1998, the government warned leaders of the Islamic resistance movement in Jordan to refrain from making statements inciting violence or obstructing the Palestinian-Israeli Wye River peace deal that had just been signed. The admonition came after a Hamas bomb attack on an Israeli school bus in the Gaza Strip, and a statement by the Hamas politburo chief in Amman, Khalid Mashal, condemning the Wye agreement and vowing to continue the war against Israel (Jordan Times, November 2, 1998).

In 1999, five commercial offices in Amman registered under the names of Hamas leaders were closed, several of its members were detained and arrest warrants were issued for several Hamas leaders. On September 22, 1999, Khalid Mashal, Ibrahim Ghousheh, Mousa Abu Marzook, Sami Khater and Izzat Rasheq were arrested after returning from a trip to Tehran. Marzook, who held a Yemeni passport, was deported. Mashal, Khater, Rasheq and Ghousheh, all Jordanian citizens, were given the choice of being tried for membership in an illegal organization or leaving Jordan. Ultimately, the four men were deported to Qatar (Middle East Intelligence Bulletin, August/September 2001).

Jordanian officials were growing increasingly worried about the close ties that Hamas was developing with the radical Muslim Brotherhood and the group’s close ties with Iran and Syria. Computer files confiscated from the Hamas offices contained sensitive information about the kingdom and Jordanian figures, records indicating that around $70 million had been transferred to Hamas from abroad over the previous five years, and the locations of arms and explosives caches around the kingdom (Middle East Intelligence Bulletin, September 1999).

Subsequently, Hamas became an “illegal and non-Jordanian” organization whose presence was no longer tolerated (Middle East Intelligence Bulletin, August/September 2001).

This article can be found at http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/myths2/exclusives.html#a53

Source: REVISED Myths & Facts Online -- A Guide to the Arab-Israeli Conflict by Mitchell G. Bard.

To order a copy of the NEW paperback edition of Myths and Facts, click HERE. The previous edition of Myths

 

ADL APPLAUDS THE ENACTMENT OF PUBLIC ACT 06-5, "AN ACT PROHIBITING DISCRIMINATION IN LIFE INSURANCE BASED ON LAWFUL TRAVEL DESTINATIONS"

 

 Hamden, CT, April 26, 2005 ... The Anti-Defamation League applauds the Connecticut  state legislature for passing and Governor M. Jodi Rell for signing into law Public Act 06-5, "An Act Prohibiting Discrimination in Life Insurance Based on Lawful Travel Destinations."  The legislation was passed on consent in the state Senate and by a vote of 144 to 0 in the state House of Representatives, and was signed into law by Governor Rell on April 21, 2006.

Major life insurance companies have been denying new or renewed life insurance policies to anyone who has recently traveled or who has plans to go to any country about which the U.S. State Department has issued a travel warning.  More than two dozen countries are on the list now, including Israel and Pakistan.  Once denied life insurance, applicants have sometimes found it extremely difficult or expensive to get life insurance anywhere.  David Waren, Director of the Connecticut Regional Office of the Anti-Defamation League, noted "We heard from people all over Connecticut whose applications for life insurance have been denied simply because of past or future travel to Israel, without any evidence of increased risk. This practice impacts everyone from tourists and business leaders to students studying abroad."

 

Public Act 06-5 prohibits life insurance companies from using a person's travel history or current travel plans as a reason to deny life insurance coverage unless the rejection is based on sound actuarial principles or is related to actual or reasonably anticipated experience. Similar laws have been passed in Maryland, New York, Washington, Illinois and California.

 

Waren added "Public Act 06-5 is an important milestone in ceasing discrimination in the issuance and renewal of life insurance policies based on applicants' lawful travel destinations.  It balances the need of Connecticut residents to travel abroad with the insurance industry's need to assess risk in connection with its coverage decisions.  The law allows insurance companies to do what they do best, assess risk based on bona fide statistical data, and not simply presume risk without any basis in statistics or experience."

 

The Anti-Defamation League, founded in 1913, is the world's leading organization fighting anti-Semitism and discrimination through programs and services that counteract hatred, prejudice and bigotry.

 

 

 

Announcements

 

 

Adult Ed on Sunday

 

This week

April 30

 

9:00 AM “Judaism for Everyone”

The Holocaust and Israel

 

10:00 AM  Pirke Avot

 

 

Learning and Latte

At Borders

The topic for the session:, Jesus and Muhammad, will carry over May 9 at 7:30

First Ever! Sisterhood Cookbook

Available in September 2006

Delicious Recipes! Kosher! Family Favorites!

Please help to defray the costs

\be a sponsor, place an ad, order your copies now ($18 each).

**Proceeds to fund kitchen renovation and other TBE capital improvements**

**Call Beth Silver 967-8852 for information**

beth@silverconsultingnet.com

 

 

 

DUTIFUL DAUGHTERS / MAXED-OUT MOMS

CARING FOR YOUR FAMILY WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF

 

    How many of us find ourselves today caring for an aging parent, juggling our children’s and family’s schedules and running the house, while desperately trying to find time for ourselves?

    A unique program is being offered in our community, dedicated to women of the “Sandwich Generation.”

    Facilitated by professionals:  Roni Lang, Betsy Stone, Isrella Knopf, Netta Stern, Susan R. Greenwald, Susan Sirlin and Rabbi Selilah Kalev, in the field of elder care and family issues, topics will include how to best take care of an elderly or infirm parent and what can be done at the same time to nurture one’s self.

    The program is being co-sponsored by Jewish Family Service and the Sisterhood of Temple Beth El.  It will take place, here, at Temple Beth El on Sunday, May 21st from 2:00 - 4:00 p.m.  Doors open at 1:45 p.m.

    Join us when we discuss the various aspects of the relationship between adult daughters and their elderly parents with the goal of becoming more knowledgeable, self-confident, and directed so that you may plan a more certain future with your parents.

 

 

 

Rally to Stop Genocide

 

Sunday, April 30th

 1:30 pm -  4:00 pm

THE MALL

Washington, DC 

TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

by Showing Our Solidarity With The People of Darfur

 

Group transportation will be organized for the CT delegation.   

Transportation from Hartford, contact Andrea Cobrin-Long

@ jfact@mcmgmt.com /860-727-5770.

Bus transportation from New Haven, contact Lauri Lowell at (203) 387-2424 ext: 318.

Bus transportation from Westport, Contact Rabbi Orkand

@ Temple Israel 203-227-1293  or rorkand@tiwestport.org.

   

CT Coalition to Save Darfur website - http://jfact.org/darfur

 

Genocide: "NOT ON OUR WATCH!"

 

Organized by the SAVE DARFUR Campaign

 

www.SAVEDARFUR.ORG

 

SAVE DARFUR!

 

Save the date – June 1 at 8:00 PM

 

Our Annual Tikkun Leyl Shavuot 

 

Shavuot service, dessert and study session

Joined by Temple Shalom of Greenwich

 

“Spirituality, Religion, Ethnicity and Identity:

Does one have to be “religious” to be Jewish?”

 

JOKE FOR THE WEEK

 

A Woody Allen Monologue from the 1960s

 

 

"Here's a story you're not going to believe. I shot a moose once. I was hunting in upstate New York, and I shot a moose.

"And I strap him onto the fender of my car, and I'm driving along the West Side Highway. But what I didn't realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased his scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I'm driving through the Holland Tunnel and the moose wakes up.

"So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender and the moose is signaling for a turn. And there's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And I'm very panicky. And then it hits me—some friends of mine are having a costume party. I'll go. I'll take the moose. I'll ditch him at the party. It won't be my responsibility. So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door, and the moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say, 'Hello, you know the Solomons.' We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Some guy was trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.

"Twelve o'clock comes, they give out prizes for the best costume of the night. First prize goes to the Berkowitzes, a married couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Berkowitzes lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious. Now, I figure, here's my chance. I grab the moose, strap him on my fender, and shoot back to the woods. But I've got the Berkowitzes. So I'm driving along with two Jewish people on my fender. And there's a law in New York State, Tuesday, Thursday, and especially Saturday....

"The following morning, the Berkowitzes wake up in the woods in a moose suit. Mr. Berkowitz is shot, stuffed, and mounted at the New York Athletic Club. And the joke is on them, 'cause it's restricted."

http://www.silvers.org/humor/woodyallen.html

 

 

Previous Shabbat-O-Grams can be accessed directly from our web site (www.tbe.org)

To be removed from this mailing list, send an e-mail request to office@tbe.org